When I Grow Up.....

Let's just cut to the chase....

This post is long and it doesn't contain photographs.

Todays post is about not knowing what the hell I want to do with my life, and hoping a few of you can relate. I don't have a single clue. I've been going with the flow for a while. Waiting for something or anything I've been doing to actually stick. But I'm fickle and my interests are quite fleeting.

What I'm really getting at is......

I have absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
But I'm prepared to have an absolute blast figuring it out!

You must listen to this song on repeat whilst reading todays post....

Perfection in a song.
Beautiful cover and so very suiting to my current situation in life.....

For some odd reason I thought I'd have my future career goals figured out by my early twenties........

Let me preface this all by saying that I was, am, and have always been extremely passionate about every single career path I've ever wanted. Whenever I have my eyes set on something new it is ALL I think about and practically the only thing I put my energy towards. 

But the fact that I thought I'd have it all figured out by 21 is absolutely hilarious because I know better than anyone that I am an extremely fleeting/spontaneous type of gal when it comes to my interests and life choices. When I decide I want to do something - I do it without hesitation or thought. When I decide I'm done and lose interest in something - bam I'm done without questioning my gut instinct. This spontaneity that I harbor within has gotten me very far in life and hasn't failed me in the least bit.... however.... my being fickle and not seeming to stick to any particular career choice/hobby is starting to be a little aggravating and unnerving. 

 I was never that kid who from a very young age knew what they wanted to be when they grew up........

There are people who fall in love with a hobby when they're a child and carry it with them throughout the rest of their adulthood. Then there are people like me.  Throughout my twenty one years I've had quite a few careers in mind - careers such as..... 

Teacher, dancer, national geographic photographer , ood photographer,  lawyer (because I couldn't stand injustice but found out it wasn't creative enough for my liking), an actress, joining peace corpse, broadway singer, Victoria Secret model, veterinarian at a zoo, pastry chef, anything that allowed me to travel, Saturday Night Live cast member, an entrepreneur/my own boss, bee keeper, and a full time food blogger. (And a few others that I'm sure I'll be kicking myself in the ass later for forgetting...)

I'm clearly an ambitious girl and see absolutely no reason not to dream big and want a bunch of different things in life BUT that being said..... I'm wondering if this will always be it. Will I just go from hobby to hobby or career to career until my last days? Or will I finally find something? Will something stick? Will I be lucky enough to have a career that is basically a few of my previous career choices combined? What if I miss something, like my grand opportunity to do something with myself? Or will I eventually be comfortable with just going with the flow in life and not being tied down? What if I get pregnant early on and have to settle down, then what? Will I still be fickle then? 

I'm an extremely inquisitive girl, so naturally these answerless questions in my mind go on for days. I hate to play the what if game - but  I feel the need to not only question but to try out each and every one of my career choices because I don't want to be that girl who always wonders "what if". 

I can't help but wonder about my destiny. 

Side note: I still want to be an entrepreneur, a bee keeper, a saturday night live cast member, a full time blogger, a chef, and a broadway singer Lol. Can't I just be a business owning broadway singing chef who blogs about beekeeping and being on SNL??? That sounds perfect. Kristen Wiig and I will be best friends....I'm sure of it.

This might come as a surprise to all of you, because from your perspective it must seem as if I've wanted to be a chef and work in a kitchen my entire life......

I actually chose this current career path on a complete whim. A few months before graduating high school I was still in the in between stages of wanting to be a photographer, a dancer, a zoo vet and an actress. Then one day I recognized how interested I was in food and coincidentally had a conversation the same day with a girl who told me about her mother and how she was enrolled in culinary school. BAM. I made up my mind then and there on a complete whim (as always) that I was going to go to culinary school to be a chef.

When I graduated high school I left my job at a pizza place - enrolled in culinary school- and started decorating cakes at a grocery store. Soon there after I realized how fascinating the food industry was, how cool everything was I was learning in school, and how fleeting my memory was/is - thus Chronicles of a Curly Head was born! A year after starting CCH I graduated from culinary school then quickly (on a spontaneous whim like always) moved to Orlando Florida and worked at an African buffet within the Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World, then I moved back to Ohio (within two weeks of deciding to mind you) and started working at Olive immediately.

That brings us to today. Six years after I stepped into my first job in a kitchen, two and a half years after starting my blog, and almost one and a half years after I graduated from culinary school - here I am. Uncertain once again as to whether or not this is the path for me.







I already know 100% that running a kitchen line is not what I want to be doing for any specific length of time during my life......


I love my job at Olive. Not only do I love my job but I love the people I work with and the recognition I've gotten from working at this restaurant in the first place. I love that I get to take photographs of our specials. I love having creative reign over a great deal of things. It's unheard of for a chef to be as young as I am to be in the position that I am.  And for that I'm extremely grateful. Olive is just an amazing resume builder wrapped up in life lessons and wonderful experiences. It was destiny/fate my being at Olive. I feel like when I abruptly decided to move back to Ohio with about two weeks notice (without any clue why I was so antsy and dying to come back) it was all fate. It was meant to be that I hurried home to work at Olive. I am a lot better cook for it, and I'm a lot quicker on the line in the long run for it.

Let me just say... I am extremely aware of myself. When I say that I mean that I honestly know myself very very well. I am aware of my feelings, what people think about me (i have uncanny intuition about these things) I know my negative qualities, and my positive qualities as well, etc. That being said - I can catch onto when I'm ready to move on in one way shape or form.

I'm feeling that my working in a kitchen (specifically one where you cook brunch/lunch/dinner) will be something that fades out within the next year or so. It's great for me now - I need to learn what it is I am learning, and I need to be with the people I'm with now. That's not to say I don't want to stay in the food industry, but I sense that it's time for me to be done and move on to something else within it at least. My passion for cooking in a busy restaurant isn't as deep as it once was, and it's somewhat morphed into passions for other food like careers.

A few of these other food industry career paths I've internally toyed with include ones such as: continuing my blog and making a full time job out of it, food photography, catering, opening a bakery, having a food truck of some sort, being a bee keeper, a farmer, a botanist, etc.

I have a lot of ideas.
I just need to be inspired to figure out what I really want to get out of this life.

My first step  (a step I will need to make by next year or I'll explode into smithereens) is to move out of Ohio for good......

I can't sit in one place as it is - but to live and die in the same place without having seen the world outside of photographs and without having lived somewhere else? That's unfathomable to me. 

I have to get out of Dayton. I'm meant to travel. Wanting to travel around is the only constant in my life. So even if I don't choose one specific career, even if I have ten mini "careers" between now and when I'm thirty, at least I'll be capable of traveling. I was born to see crazy things, discover places, meet tons of people, spread some sort of word, learn new things I never could've imagined, do things I couldn't dream of. I'm destined for adventure. My life is already sitcom worthy - I can't even imagine what moving place to place will do for me.

I'm at a perfect point in my life where I'm young, I have no obligations, no significant other, no children, no ties, I am capable of getting up and going without thinking of anyone else but myself. I'm at a point where I can be selfish and put myself first. I need to take advantage of this as soon as possible before all of these crazy obligations start flowing in.

I need to take advantage of my being young and capable of running around the world without being told no.

Before I can travel I actually have to leave....for good. I'm not inspired where I am - how can I be when there are very few people who have ambition, drive, and that "DO" factor (meaning that they can talk the talk and walk the walk). I need to find a place where I feel inspired to do much more. That's not to say that the city I'm in doesn't have great qualities - it's the only one I've ever known - but it's been apparent to me every since I started watching Old Hollywood movies at the age of five..... I do not belong here at all whatsoever.

Bottom line is - I'm going to leave by next year. No ifs ands or buts. I'm done making excuses - I'm tired of talking the talk and not walking the walk. I can't continuously make up "reasons"  as to why I can't live do things.. I'm Jenna Black and I can do whatever I want to do. 

I'm choosing from my list of places that I want to live (the list includes places such as NYC, Chicago, Seattle, LA, San Francisco, England, France, Ireland, etc.)  and I'm just going to go. Decision Made.

Whether or not I figure out what I want to do career wise before or after my move is irrelevant - I'll figure it out! But be sure to be on the look out.... I have big plans for this here blog. That's for sure.

The truth of the matter is - at the end of the day......

You aren't alone in not knowing what you want to do. I'm right there with you. Whether you're twenty one or fifty one you're not alone. (I've painted a rather candid picture of myself here - so at least I hope I'm not alone in all of this lol.) It's ok to not know what you want to do with your life. Just because someone else has things figured out it doesn't mean that you should feel bad that you don't. Stop comparing yourself to other people. We're all different. We have different cards dealt to us from the get go and I believe different destines as well.

I suggest you do what I do and find humor in not having a single clue but having a blast anyhow. It's a much better path than choosing to be unhappy until you make up your mind. That's just a waste of time and energy!  As scary as it may be not knowing what's next or which choice is right or wrong - at least enjoy the journey! I've been having an absolute blast working my way in and out of the food industry - between my blog and time in the kitchen I've learned so much! I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. My journey in the kitchen might come to a close soon - but then I get to discover something completely different! Perhaps a new side to the industry or something completely different all together! 

Just know that I don't think life is all about getting a career. Yes this entire post is aimed towards careers in general because I'm about to make a change in mine within the year.  I know that it's not about what you do - instead it's about who you are, how you treat people,  how you do the things you decide to do, and what  you contribute to the world and the people around you!

My final words of wisdom/advice to you?

Be bold, be brave, be yourself. 

And do whatever makes you happy.

xoxoxo - Jenna

I leave you with the absolute perfect quote.....

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing." - Jim Rohn